Surviving the Worst Day of My Life.......

December 31st will forever be etched in my brain, not for the joy and celebration that comes with the festivities of New Year's Eve, but rather for the specific moment at around 2:00 this past Wednesday that ripped my heart out.

For the past few months my wife and I had seen changes in our son, Marcus. The once firey 2 year old who ran and climbed wherever possible was suddenly unable to do so for one simple reason.........He couldn't. Marcus' coordination and balnace was that of someone who just celebrated their 21st birthday with their college buddies. He was stumbling and falling and nobdody knew why, except for one person. My wife.

Marcus' problems were thought to have been due to fluid in his ears or perhaps some form of condition that may be dectectable in some blood tests. Once each of these were eliminated, we took him to a Neurologist who recommended him for an MRI on his brain.

On Wednesday, December 31st we left at 5:45 AM for the hospital where Marcus was sedated and given an MRI. We returned home at around noon and a couple hours later he was just about recovered from the anaestesia. I was unpacking the groceries when the phone rang and my wife answered.........."Mrs. Kutzin, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Marcus has a tumor on his brain. I suggest you go to the Emergency Room right away and get him admitted."

The shock of hearing that my son of 30 months has a freaking brain tumor will resonate with me until the day I die. My body went limp, and my brain was like a scrambled egg. My son who I love more than anything in the whole world was about to be thrusted into a fight for his life, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

We raced to NYC and checked into the ER at NYU Hospital. For the next 6 hours I had to help pin my 2 year old son down as nurses stuck needles in his arm in effort to find a tiny little vein to draw blood from. I watched my poor little boy scream in agony as the tried and failed and tried and failed again to get the blood they needed. By nightfall Marcus' arm was so bruised and swollen that the Anaestesiologist who put him down for surgery the next morning couldn't even use the IV that was finally set in there. My wife and I spent the night with a screaming child tryng to pull wires and tubes off of him as he screamed "Take it off........Go home now, Mommy/Daddy." as he looked to us to save him. This was a night that will stay with me forever. A rough 2008 finished up with the worst news possible.

The following morning we met with a man who I will forever call my hero. Dr. David Harter was part of the Pediatric Neurology team that was referred to us during our rush to get to NYU. He sat with us prior to the surgery and told us that what he sees on the MRI scan is a tumor with a cyst attached to it that is slightlylarger than a golf ball. It was located in the cerebellum which is the part of the brain that affects balance. The mass was blocking spinal fluid from getting to Marcus' brain and needed to come out immediately.

Within 24 hours of getting to the ER, Marcus at the ripe age age of 30 months had brain surgery to remove his tumor. After 4 LONG days in recovery, I am thrilled to say that Marcus is home safe and sound and his post-op MRI came back clear. While we aren't out of the woods yet, te doctor speculates that the Pathology report will come to show that the tumor was benign, and the Marcus will make a full recovery. We certainly have our fingers crossed.

I know every parent out there will gush about how amazing their children are if given the opportunity. At this point in time, I want to do just that. My son Marcus took everything that was thrown at him in terms of mental and physical pain, and was nothing short of amazing. He is as special as they come, and I sit here feeling like I'm the luckiest persn in the wolrd to be able to call him my son. I love you to death, Marcus. Like Dr. Harter, you too are my hero.

I am in awe of the way my wife Sheila handled herself during this stretch. On about a thousand different occasions over the past 5 days, she had every reason in the world to breakdown, and she NEVER once did. Sheila was a rock, and handled herself incredibly. She further proved that she is the amazing mother she's been since our kids were born. Sheila, your maternal instinct and persistence saved our little boy. Just another things to add to the list of reasons I love you.

For all of my friends, family, co-workers, and especially Marcus' brother Nicholas.........THANK YOU for being yourselves. Your support and sacrifice were invaluable and I am so lucky to have all of you in my life. I will be forever grateful.

Just 5 days into it, 2009 is without question THE best year of my life.

To all of you who are parents....Give your kids an extra kiss and tighter hug today.

Thanks for reading.
E